Spoke Too Soon

You know how you don't hear from a heroin addict for a week, and it turns out he's holed up in some crack house, OD'ing and seeing dead babies on the ceiling?  Well that's where I was for the past week- drunk on Diet Dr. Pepper and high on carbs.  So I guess I lied last week when I said I was getting back on it then.  I'm really doing it....starting now.

I did wog today, but I didn't do the couch to 5K workout.  That program is terrific for people who are in better shape than I am, but it progressed too quickly for me.  Instead, today, I walked to the front of the neighborhood, which was mostly uphill, so when I got to the end, I turned around and jogged downhill as far as I could.  I continued in a similar pattern, jogging whenever I could downhill.  I realized that the fact that I knew I wouldn't be able to complete the entire workout for the 3rd week of C25K was enough to deter me from even trying it. It's counterintuitive, I realize, since you can never do something if you don't try, so I just adjusted my routine to accommodate my current fitness level.  I also started using the RunKeeper  app because I have app ADD. I'm like a boy with video games.  I need constant change to stay motivated and stimulated.

I don't even know what my whore scale has to say about my indiscretions.  I'll deal with her on Friday.

C25K Week 2

I'm not gonna lie.  Week 2 has been a bust so far.  I have gone out every other day like I'm supposed to, but these workouts are 10 minutes longer (31 minutes vs. 20 minutes), and the jogging portions are longer (1.5 minutes vs. 1 minute).  I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but to someone so massively out of shape as I am, it is apparently.  I have not completed one workout so far this week without having to walk during some of the jogging portions. I have completed them, though...well, except for today.

Today is supposed to be day 3 of week 2 for me.  I decided to try running around my backyard for a few reasons: 1. I'm sick of running up cardiac hill.  It kills me every time. 2. I'm less self conscious, because there are no cars driving by or people walking their dogs or maintenance men who look like they're about to call 911 to come pick up the fat chick having a heart attack because she has no business running. And 3. The zombie run is a trail run, so I thought I would get some good practice running on grass and dodging dog poop and the kids' toys.

This was a mistake, because my backyard IS a fucking hill.  Yeah, it's not as steep as cardiac hill, but the entire time I was either going up or down an incline.  Also, my yard is as lumpy as my thighs, so my ankles, knees, and thighs were hitting at all sorts of weird angles.  This lead to me utilizing a whole bunch of muscles I didn't know existed and am now painfully aware of. And the worst part of all- it's really easy to quit when you're in your backyard as opposed to the opposite end of the neighborhood, where you have no choice but to walk back.  So, I lasted for 10 minutes before I quit.  My legs hurt, and my earbuds kept falling out, which I took as a sign from the universe to just call it a day and try again tomorrow.  I've also recently become reacquainted with my shin splints and cramps, which I did not suffer from at all the first week.

I know I sound like a big ol' whiny bitch today, and I own that.  I am being a total baby.  I hate running with a fiery passion, and I feel like it's important to put this out there, because one day I will love it.  I'm determined to become one of those obnoxious cunts who drones on about the benefits of running and runners' highs and my first half marathon- all that shit.  And when I finally get there, because I WILL, I want other people to look back on this and realize they can do it, too, even if they're out of shape and hate exercising.

Also, Hey Fat Girl, read this if you need some more motivation.

Motivation and Self Sabotage

I got back from vacation and had only gained a pound.  I was hoping to lose weight that week, since we were super active, but I wasn't on my best behavior diet-wise.  A 1 pound gain is a miracle compared to my past vacations, which are usually the beginning of the end of whatever plan I'm on at the moment. This time, I kept my binging to a minimum and my activity level pretty constant, so I basically stayed the same.  I was right back on plan this week and had good intentions of starting my couch to 5K program, but then school started.  You can read about the emotional breakdown I'm having today due to the fact that my baby is starting preschool, but let me sum it up by saying that I'm sitting here with a loaf of sourdough bread on one side and a squeeze bottle of mayo in the other.  Today is bust, but after bawling last night and this morning, I am giving myself a pass.  I know emotional eating is an awful thing to do, and it's the root cause of my current weight issue, but I feel that beating myself up and stressing myself out over my diet/exercise regime is the opposite of what I need to do today.  Instead, I'm going to lay off myself for today only and get back on it tomorrow.

And how can I trust myself to stick to this plan to get my ass moving?  I signed up for not one but two 5k races.  The first is Color Me Rad, where you run in white clothes, and as you pass different stations, people throw colored powder at you.  I think it's cornstarch, or something harmless, not anthrax or cocaine, although that could help my speed...Anyway I had read about it before, so when I saw they were doing one locally around my birthday, I had to sign up.  It sounds like a lot of fun and not very stressful, so in order to give myself that extra bit of ass kicking, I signed up for the Rundead 5K in Charleston the weekend after my birthday, which happens to be the weekend before Halloween.  It's a run with obstacles.  Oh, and zombies chase you.  Basically, the runners start running, and then 5 minutes later, people dressed as zombies start running after you, and their goal is to get the 3 flags you'll be wearing.  Apparently if they get all 3, you have to finish the run, and then you can become a zombie and chase the other runners.  I think you get a prize if you keep at least one flag.  I plan to put one in between my boobs, because no one will be able to pry that sucker out.  I'm dragging the hubs to this one with me.  I figure we can make a weekend out of it and celebrate my b-day/Halloween in style without the kiddos.

Here's some extra motivation, in case zombies chasing me wasn't enough.  The hubs played photographer at my Aunt's B-day/Family Reunion event last weekend, and he got some glorious shots of me.  I think this one is my fave:

I'm the sexy lady in the black dress.  This picture will be used in the divorce hearing. 

This is my sister, my cousin, and me all looking at something interesting apparently.  Regardless, it's not a flattering shot of any of us, especially me. (Sorry, Kath.)

This one I can live with, except for the fourteen chins I'm sporting.  My cousin is in the middle, and I'm pretty sure if I lost 100 pounds, that's what I would look like.  My sister is on the other side and has lost a ton of weight herself.  I'm so proud of her and hope to join her in the regular sizes as soon as possible.