Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

I did it.  I did the RunDead 5k (the run where zombies chase you).  I started and finished it, and there's documentation proving so. I finished 54th out of 423. 27:29 total with a 8:52 pace, and I am obviously completely full of shit.  So how did I do it and have the results verified?  Well my new bestie and I cheated.  Her ankle was hurt, so she was struggling.  I am no runner, as you know, so when she suggested we sneak under the Caution tape that served as a poor barrier in the course, I was all for it.  Little did we know, we were hopping from the first third of the race to the home stretch.  All of a sudden, we saw the finish line, and people were clapping for us and cheering us on.  The best part is that neither of us felt guilty.  It was just for fun, and it's not like we won any awards or anything, so no harm no foul.  I would like to do it again next year for realsies, though.  I did lose all of my flags, but the hubs, Zombie-Dodger Extraordinaire, managed to keep 2 of his. He finished 352nd, if that gives you any indication of how much of a cheater I am.

Me looking sassy and smug before we headed to Charleston.

The hubs and I encountered our first zombie before the race. Sorry about your tigers, bro.

My sister from another mister and me. The best thing about this race, by far, was making a new friend.

I still want to be able to run a 5k non-stop and progress up to some longer races, so I'm starting the training process all over. I had a birthday on the 24th, and I'm determined for it to be the last one in which I'm out of shape.  My goal is to be fit when I hit my 35th birthday.  I have about a year to do this, and now that Halloween is over, and I've devoured a significant portion of my children's candy, I'm ready to get back on the wagon and achieve this goal.  As long as I don't get the flu from one of the rugrats, I'm starting running and eating as cleanly as possible tomorrow. Why tomorrow?  'Cause a girl's gotta binge.  Duh.

The 5K Races, Yeah About Those...

I'm very close to faking a knee injury, because I haven't done jack diddly shit in the past couple of weeks.  Well, until yesterday.  The kids and I did a charity walk in Charlotte, and there were 3 different distance options, but I have no idea which route we took.  We were with other folks, and I let them lead the way.  In my mind, it was a 5k, because then I don't feel so inadequate.

This morning, I was all motivated and what not, so I went for a wog.  I had the longest running distance ever (all down hill mind you, but still).  The problem was when I switched back to walking, I never could get my running groove back.  I think I'm going to try somewhere flatter tomorrow to see what I can really do, because I am beyond stressed about the next 2 5ks.  They're supposed to be fun, which is why I signed up for them, but coming in dead last isn't my idea of a good time.  The Color Me Rad is Saturday, so I'm using it as a warm up to the RunDead, since people will be chasing me in that one.  Luckily the hubs will be with me at both, although he has informed me that he will be leaving me in the dust at the zombie run, so my plans to trip him will have to be altered.

***I was in the middle of typing this when my neighbor knocked on my door.  We had plans to run together this morning, but I apparently got the time mixed up.  I went at 9:30 and did 2 miles, so when she rang the doorbell at 10:30, I went pale.  But I sucked it up and went with her and her husband's cousin, who is about 11 feet tall with a 24 inch waist.  When I was about to die and had to walk while they continued jogging, he spouted off helpful tips like, "Don't stop. You just need to get control of your breathing. At least do a brisk walk, so you can keep your heart rate up." He obviously has no idea that fat people can do a lot less work to keep their heart rates up, since our hearts are struggling enough to begin with.  I would have punched him, but he was moving too fast, and I was dying.    Regardless, I did jog a bit with them and added another mile to my total, making it a full 5k for me today, albeit not all at once. It's progress people.

C25K Week 2

I'm not gonna lie.  Week 2 has been a bust so far.  I have gone out every other day like I'm supposed to, but these workouts are 10 minutes longer (31 minutes vs. 20 minutes), and the jogging portions are longer (1.5 minutes vs. 1 minute).  I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but to someone so massively out of shape as I am, it is apparently.  I have not completed one workout so far this week without having to walk during some of the jogging portions. I have completed them, though...well, except for today.

Today is supposed to be day 3 of week 2 for me.  I decided to try running around my backyard for a few reasons: 1. I'm sick of running up cardiac hill.  It kills me every time. 2. I'm less self conscious, because there are no cars driving by or people walking their dogs or maintenance men who look like they're about to call 911 to come pick up the fat chick having a heart attack because she has no business running. And 3. The zombie run is a trail run, so I thought I would get some good practice running on grass and dodging dog poop and the kids' toys.

This was a mistake, because my backyard IS a fucking hill.  Yeah, it's not as steep as cardiac hill, but the entire time I was either going up or down an incline.  Also, my yard is as lumpy as my thighs, so my ankles, knees, and thighs were hitting at all sorts of weird angles.  This lead to me utilizing a whole bunch of muscles I didn't know existed and am now painfully aware of. And the worst part of all- it's really easy to quit when you're in your backyard as opposed to the opposite end of the neighborhood, where you have no choice but to walk back.  So, I lasted for 10 minutes before I quit.  My legs hurt, and my earbuds kept falling out, which I took as a sign from the universe to just call it a day and try again tomorrow.  I've also recently become reacquainted with my shin splints and cramps, which I did not suffer from at all the first week.

I know I sound like a big ol' whiny bitch today, and I own that.  I am being a total baby.  I hate running with a fiery passion, and I feel like it's important to put this out there, because one day I will love it.  I'm determined to become one of those obnoxious cunts who drones on about the benefits of running and runners' highs and my first half marathon- all that shit.  And when I finally get there, because I WILL, I want other people to look back on this and realize they can do it, too, even if they're out of shape and hate exercising.

Also, Hey Fat Girl, read this if you need some more motivation.

Motivation and Self Sabotage

I got back from vacation and had only gained a pound.  I was hoping to lose weight that week, since we were super active, but I wasn't on my best behavior diet-wise.  A 1 pound gain is a miracle compared to my past vacations, which are usually the beginning of the end of whatever plan I'm on at the moment. This time, I kept my binging to a minimum and my activity level pretty constant, so I basically stayed the same.  I was right back on plan this week and had good intentions of starting my couch to 5K program, but then school started.  You can read about the emotional breakdown I'm having today due to the fact that my baby is starting preschool, but let me sum it up by saying that I'm sitting here with a loaf of sourdough bread on one side and a squeeze bottle of mayo in the other.  Today is bust, but after bawling last night and this morning, I am giving myself a pass.  I know emotional eating is an awful thing to do, and it's the root cause of my current weight issue, but I feel that beating myself up and stressing myself out over my diet/exercise regime is the opposite of what I need to do today.  Instead, I'm going to lay off myself for today only and get back on it tomorrow.

And how can I trust myself to stick to this plan to get my ass moving?  I signed up for not one but two 5k races.  The first is Color Me Rad, where you run in white clothes, and as you pass different stations, people throw colored powder at you.  I think it's cornstarch, or something harmless, not anthrax or cocaine, although that could help my speed...Anyway I had read about it before, so when I saw they were doing one locally around my birthday, I had to sign up.  It sounds like a lot of fun and not very stressful, so in order to give myself that extra bit of ass kicking, I signed up for the Rundead 5K in Charleston the weekend after my birthday, which happens to be the weekend before Halloween.  It's a run with obstacles.  Oh, and zombies chase you.  Basically, the runners start running, and then 5 minutes later, people dressed as zombies start running after you, and their goal is to get the 3 flags you'll be wearing.  Apparently if they get all 3, you have to finish the run, and then you can become a zombie and chase the other runners.  I think you get a prize if you keep at least one flag.  I plan to put one in between my boobs, because no one will be able to pry that sucker out.  I'm dragging the hubs to this one with me.  I figure we can make a weekend out of it and celebrate my b-day/Halloween in style without the kiddos.

Here's some extra motivation, in case zombies chasing me wasn't enough.  The hubs played photographer at my Aunt's B-day/Family Reunion event last weekend, and he got some glorious shots of me.  I think this one is my fave:

I'm the sexy lady in the black dress.  This picture will be used in the divorce hearing. 

This is my sister, my cousin, and me all looking at something interesting apparently.  Regardless, it's not a flattering shot of any of us, especially me. (Sorry, Kath.)

This one I can live with, except for the fourteen chins I'm sporting.  My cousin is in the middle, and I'm pretty sure if I lost 100 pounds, that's what I would look like.  My sister is on the other side and has lost a ton of weight herself.  I'm so proud of her and hope to join her in the regular sizes as soon as possible.