Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

I did it.  I did the RunDead 5k (the run where zombies chase you).  I started and finished it, and there's documentation proving so. I finished 54th out of 423. 27:29 total with a 8:52 pace, and I am obviously completely full of shit.  So how did I do it and have the results verified?  Well my new bestie and I cheated.  Her ankle was hurt, so she was struggling.  I am no runner, as you know, so when she suggested we sneak under the Caution tape that served as a poor barrier in the course, I was all for it.  Little did we know, we were hopping from the first third of the race to the home stretch.  All of a sudden, we saw the finish line, and people were clapping for us and cheering us on.  The best part is that neither of us felt guilty.  It was just for fun, and it's not like we won any awards or anything, so no harm no foul.  I would like to do it again next year for realsies, though.  I did lose all of my flags, but the hubs, Zombie-Dodger Extraordinaire, managed to keep 2 of his. He finished 352nd, if that gives you any indication of how much of a cheater I am.

Me looking sassy and smug before we headed to Charleston.

The hubs and I encountered our first zombie before the race. Sorry about your tigers, bro.

My sister from another mister and me. The best thing about this race, by far, was making a new friend.

I still want to be able to run a 5k non-stop and progress up to some longer races, so I'm starting the training process all over. I had a birthday on the 24th, and I'm determined for it to be the last one in which I'm out of shape.  My goal is to be fit when I hit my 35th birthday.  I have about a year to do this, and now that Halloween is over, and I've devoured a significant portion of my children's candy, I'm ready to get back on the wagon and achieve this goal.  As long as I don't get the flu from one of the rugrats, I'm starting running and eating as cleanly as possible tomorrow. Why tomorrow?  'Cause a girl's gotta binge.  Duh.

Color Me Rad

I did it.  And I didn't half ass it, either. I ran probably about half of it; not all at once, but total, so that counts for something. Plus, I knew the last color station was close to the finish, so I ran from that point on, which was probably a half mile.  It was definitely the furthest I've ever run at once.  That says a lot for adrenaline, because when I run on my own, I can barely run half that.

I started off jogging, but the course started uphill, so that was literally an uphill battle between me and my brain.  I ended up walking most of that part and was disheartened when I thought I was going to have to walk the entire race.  I told the hubs to go on without me, because I knew he wanted to run.  Well, then the course flattened out and started going downhill, so I decided to pick up the pace.  There were a bunch of people walking, so the only pressure I had was from myself, and as we know, she's a big ol' bitch, so she forced me to run every time the course was flat or downhill.  That's how I ended up running a good chunk of it.

I did have to stop completely once, which sucked.  Everything was going well.  I was wogging my way through, more jogging than walking at this point, and then I noticed the course was about to take a turn for the worse.  The entire thing went through areas of the college campus, so I really enjoyed that part, but as we rounded the corner, vivid flashbacks from my times as a student began flooding my brain. I knew I was about to half to conquer the hill on Bull Street which is a 90 degree   hill that you half to walk up in the snow (See picture below). It makes the cardiac hill in my neighborhood look like a walk in the park.  I got halfway up this monstrosity and noticed that everyone...EVERYONE (even the fittest of the fit) was walking oh so slowly up it.  Fatties like me had to take a mini break before we could continue, but I was happy to be in good company and not the only one who had to stop. It was less than a minute before I was on my way again, and in my defense, the last color station was right after we reached the top, so I pretty much ran from that point until the finish.

I have no idea what my time was, because the amazing organizers of the event want it to be fun, so they don't time it.  They also donate a portion to a local charity and chose Happy Wheels, which I thought was an awesome choice.  They're talking about doing an annual event, so if they do, I'm taking the kids next year.  I think they would have a blast.

The hill I had to climb.  Fine, not really, but you get the idea.

 Here's what we looked like at the end:

If you look really close, you can see a turquoise ring around Wesley's eye.  Apparently you need lab safety goggles to do this thing.

 

My sister came up this weekend, too, since I'm going to be an old lady in a few days, and I think she wanted to rub it in.  She did bring some awesome gifts, though, and watched the rugrats so Wesley and I could do the race. 

Awesome gifts.  Yes, that is a Bill Murray coloring book.

She also took me to lunch, and since it was one of my b-day weekends (you get 2 when it falls in the middle of the week), I gorged myself silly.  I have been so good lately, so my body isn't used to that shit anymore.  I spent a majority of the weekend gassy, bloated, nauseous, and in pain.  It was not pleasant, and I realized I really do not miss junk food at all.  I did test my little theory this morning with leftover pizza and am now paying the price AGAIN.  So, I'm done.  I'm not advocating any kind of restrictive diet, because I think it's too hard to stick to something like that, and you end up binging yourself silly, but I have learned that my body definitely works better on a lower carb, less processed food diet.  I think it's true for everyone, although I think I'm more affected by carbs than most people.  Even whole grain pasta, rice, and bread make me feel tired and sluggish, so they're off the menu for now.  I do tolerate potatoes, though (thank Jebus!), so they're staying in.

Because I have too much time on my hands, I created this tribute video to foods that I once loved but now am cutting completely from my diet.  I ate most of them this weekend, and they were not nice to me.  So good riddance old pals.

The 5K Races, Yeah About Those...

I'm very close to faking a knee injury, because I haven't done jack diddly shit in the past couple of weeks.  Well, until yesterday.  The kids and I did a charity walk in Charlotte, and there were 3 different distance options, but I have no idea which route we took.  We were with other folks, and I let them lead the way.  In my mind, it was a 5k, because then I don't feel so inadequate.

This morning, I was all motivated and what not, so I went for a wog.  I had the longest running distance ever (all down hill mind you, but still).  The problem was when I switched back to walking, I never could get my running groove back.  I think I'm going to try somewhere flatter tomorrow to see what I can really do, because I am beyond stressed about the next 2 5ks.  They're supposed to be fun, which is why I signed up for them, but coming in dead last isn't my idea of a good time.  The Color Me Rad is Saturday, so I'm using it as a warm up to the RunDead, since people will be chasing me in that one.  Luckily the hubs will be with me at both, although he has informed me that he will be leaving me in the dust at the zombie run, so my plans to trip him will have to be altered.

***I was in the middle of typing this when my neighbor knocked on my door.  We had plans to run together this morning, but I apparently got the time mixed up.  I went at 9:30 and did 2 miles, so when she rang the doorbell at 10:30, I went pale.  But I sucked it up and went with her and her husband's cousin, who is about 11 feet tall with a 24 inch waist.  When I was about to die and had to walk while they continued jogging, he spouted off helpful tips like, "Don't stop. You just need to get control of your breathing. At least do a brisk walk, so you can keep your heart rate up." He obviously has no idea that fat people can do a lot less work to keep their heart rates up, since our hearts are struggling enough to begin with.  I would have punched him, but he was moving too fast, and I was dying.    Regardless, I did jog a bit with them and added another mile to my total, making it a full 5k for me today, albeit not all at once. It's progress people.

Couch to 5K Day 1 and Some Apps You Need

I was in a much better mind frame today, so I started the Couch to 5K program today.  I'm proud to say that I survived, and the only 2 times I stopped during the jogging portions were when my mom called and when she texted me.  I have this app on my phone (GET IT).  It's amazing, because it automatically takes the songs from your phone and plays them while you're doing the program, or you can create your own playlist just for working out. It tells you when to walk and when to jog and tells you when you're halfway through.  There's also a built in GPS, so you know how far you've gone, and it tells you your average pace (16:33 today, which is good for me).

As much as I'm raving about the app, I do feel that I must warn you that she's a sadistic twat.  And by that, I mean that as soon as you're about to go uphill, you can bet that bitch is about to say "jog".  Maybe I just have unfortunate locations for hills in my neighborhood, but I do find it odd that there's a GPS built into this thing, and it happened Every. Single. Fucking. Time.  I got this really weird stomach pain at the end, so I thought I was going to have to sue Active.com for a moment after I recovered from my heart attack, but then it went away during my cool down.

The other app I have that's uhhhhmazing is Double Twist. You see, I have a shitty Droid.  I hate my phone, but I can't get a new one until January next year, so I'm stuck with it.  I won't go into all of the issues it has, but I will be getting an Iphone next.  In the meantime, I have an Ipod shuffle, which you can't put apps on (duh).  I downloaded the C25K app to my phone, and I wanted my super fantastic workout playlist to go with it, but you can't get Itunes on the Droid.  The awesome people at Double Twist have fixed this situation so that you can create an online account and download the app to your phone, so they can sync with one another.  Voila, your Itunes music is now on your shitty non-Iphone.

Oh, and since I'm mentioning apps, I'm going to plug My Fitness Pal again, because that's the one that really keeps me on track. Full disclosure- I didn't use it at all yesterday.  I was in mourning, suffering from a break up with my baby, and I refused to be bothered with health guilt when I was already overwhelmed with parenting guilt.

So, I'm one day closer to being able to run a full 5K, which means I'm closer to being able to outrun the zombies.

Motivation and Self Sabotage

I got back from vacation and had only gained a pound.  I was hoping to lose weight that week, since we were super active, but I wasn't on my best behavior diet-wise.  A 1 pound gain is a miracle compared to my past vacations, which are usually the beginning of the end of whatever plan I'm on at the moment. This time, I kept my binging to a minimum and my activity level pretty constant, so I basically stayed the same.  I was right back on plan this week and had good intentions of starting my couch to 5K program, but then school started.  You can read about the emotional breakdown I'm having today due to the fact that my baby is starting preschool, but let me sum it up by saying that I'm sitting here with a loaf of sourdough bread on one side and a squeeze bottle of mayo in the other.  Today is bust, but after bawling last night and this morning, I am giving myself a pass.  I know emotional eating is an awful thing to do, and it's the root cause of my current weight issue, but I feel that beating myself up and stressing myself out over my diet/exercise regime is the opposite of what I need to do today.  Instead, I'm going to lay off myself for today only and get back on it tomorrow.

And how can I trust myself to stick to this plan to get my ass moving?  I signed up for not one but two 5k races.  The first is Color Me Rad, where you run in white clothes, and as you pass different stations, people throw colored powder at you.  I think it's cornstarch, or something harmless, not anthrax or cocaine, although that could help my speed...Anyway I had read about it before, so when I saw they were doing one locally around my birthday, I had to sign up.  It sounds like a lot of fun and not very stressful, so in order to give myself that extra bit of ass kicking, I signed up for the Rundead 5K in Charleston the weekend after my birthday, which happens to be the weekend before Halloween.  It's a run with obstacles.  Oh, and zombies chase you.  Basically, the runners start running, and then 5 minutes later, people dressed as zombies start running after you, and their goal is to get the 3 flags you'll be wearing.  Apparently if they get all 3, you have to finish the run, and then you can become a zombie and chase the other runners.  I think you get a prize if you keep at least one flag.  I plan to put one in between my boobs, because no one will be able to pry that sucker out.  I'm dragging the hubs to this one with me.  I figure we can make a weekend out of it and celebrate my b-day/Halloween in style without the kiddos.

Here's some extra motivation, in case zombies chasing me wasn't enough.  The hubs played photographer at my Aunt's B-day/Family Reunion event last weekend, and he got some glorious shots of me.  I think this one is my fave:

I'm the sexy lady in the black dress.  This picture will be used in the divorce hearing. 

This is my sister, my cousin, and me all looking at something interesting apparently.  Regardless, it's not a flattering shot of any of us, especially me. (Sorry, Kath.)

This one I can live with, except for the fourteen chins I'm sporting.  My cousin is in the middle, and I'm pretty sure if I lost 100 pounds, that's what I would look like.  My sister is on the other side and has lost a ton of weight herself.  I'm so proud of her and hope to join her in the regular sizes as soon as possible.