FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU headache!

I have a headache.  I know that's not big news or anything, but it started when we were on vacation 2 weeks ago and has rarely given me any relief since.  Some days (today) are worse than others.  I'm pretty sure it's a big, bad tension headache, because I'm getting the kids adjusted to school, starting Fall classes myself, and desperately trying to find a job so we don't all starve in December when the Financial Aid runs out.  Unfortunately, my stress usually manifests itself physically either with explosive diarrhea or tension headaches.  This time my body chose headaches that cannot be cured with drugs.  I've tried everything- Excedrin Tension, Aleve, Ibuprofen, and for good measure, Allegra, in case it's allergy related.  Nothing is working.  So, I showed my body.  I just took a cocktail comprised of all of the above.  I'm really just writing this in the event that I die while drowning in my own toilet vomit, so my sister can notify the authorities and my hubs of what occurred.

Also, I should confess that due to the headache/exhaustion, I skipped my C25K workout today.  I can still pick it up tomorrow and stay on schedule, but I feel extremely guilty about it.  That counts for something, right?

It's uncanny how much this resembles me currently.

C25K Week 1 Day 3 and a Pinadequacy

I did it, bitches!  I made it through week one.  And not even half-assedly.  I mean I jogged ever time that bitch told me to and didn't stop until she seductively whispered "walk" into my ear.  I'm extra proud today, because not even halfway through, I got a cramp, and oh God, did it hurt.  The thing I noticed, though, is that I had more relief when I was jogging than when I was walking.  I tried the deep breathing lamaze shit, and that was a bust.  Basically I just had to slow down, and it eventually went away.  Every other time I've gotten a cramp, I've just flat out quit jogging and dragged my sorry ass home.  Not today, though.  I really think this program speaks to my inner submissive, because I truly just do whatever she tells me, no questions asked.  Even when one part of my brain says "I'm a grown ass woman, and I do what I want," as soon as she says "jog", it's knees to chest like a reflex.  Ok, maybe not knees to chest, but it's a jog of some sort.

I also was punishing myself a bit today, because I had next to no water yesterday, and then I had Hibachi vegetables (not so bad) with fried rice (bad), and about a gallon of shrimp sauce/aka yum yum sauce/this shit.  And to top it off, I finished the day with one of these.  Yes, I ate the whole thing.  It was over 600 calories, and it was delicious.  I'm back on it today, having a boiled egg and cherries for breakfast and steadily sipping water to replenish the waterfalls that dripped from my face and into my eyeballs. This brings me to my Pinadequacy.  Yesterday I did the bake eggs in the oven instead of boiling them thing, and it was fantabulous.  Basically you put the eggs in a muffin tin and bake them at 325 for 25-30 minutes.  I did mine for 30 minutes, because I don't care if the yolk is yellow or gray.  It tastes the same to me.  I can report that they are easier to peel, which is a good thing, because I can't tell you how many times I've lost half my egg due to it being stuck to the shell.

I have no idea who took this pic, because the blog is gone now, but it isn't mine, so suck it Copyright laws.

I also saw this on Pinterest this morning. 

Yeah, but it sure does burn the shit out of your eyeballs, impeding your vision, and possibly causing you to stumble in front of oncoming traffic.  I'm just sayin'.

C25K Day 2

I went a different way around my 'hood today, so I was able to avoid running most hills this time.  I still had to run what I affectionately call "cardiac hill", but that damn thing just has bad placement, and it's a long one, so I can't avoid having to jog some portion of it.  There was a point in which I didn't think I could jog anymore, but I pushed through since I was going downhill, and that happened to be the last jog cycle, so I was home free after that.  I'm proud to say that I cut a full minute per mile off my time today, so I was wogging a 15:36 mile today.

Playlist song that got me going:

Song that prevented me from quitting:

Couch to 5K Day 1 and Some Apps You Need

I was in a much better mind frame today, so I started the Couch to 5K program today.  I'm proud to say that I survived, and the only 2 times I stopped during the jogging portions were when my mom called and when she texted me.  I have this app on my phone (GET IT).  It's amazing, because it automatically takes the songs from your phone and plays them while you're doing the program, or you can create your own playlist just for working out. It tells you when to walk and when to jog and tells you when you're halfway through.  There's also a built in GPS, so you know how far you've gone, and it tells you your average pace (16:33 today, which is good for me).

As much as I'm raving about the app, I do feel that I must warn you that she's a sadistic twat.  And by that, I mean that as soon as you're about to go uphill, you can bet that bitch is about to say "jog".  Maybe I just have unfortunate locations for hills in my neighborhood, but I do find it odd that there's a GPS built into this thing, and it happened Every. Single. Fucking. Time.  I got this really weird stomach pain at the end, so I thought I was going to have to sue Active.com for a moment after I recovered from my heart attack, but then it went away during my cool down.

The other app I have that's uhhhhmazing is Double Twist. You see, I have a shitty Droid.  I hate my phone, but I can't get a new one until January next year, so I'm stuck with it.  I won't go into all of the issues it has, but I will be getting an Iphone next.  In the meantime, I have an Ipod shuffle, which you can't put apps on (duh).  I downloaded the C25K app to my phone, and I wanted my super fantastic workout playlist to go with it, but you can't get Itunes on the Droid.  The awesome people at Double Twist have fixed this situation so that you can create an online account and download the app to your phone, so they can sync with one another.  Voila, your Itunes music is now on your shitty non-Iphone.

Oh, and since I'm mentioning apps, I'm going to plug My Fitness Pal again, because that's the one that really keeps me on track. Full disclosure- I didn't use it at all yesterday.  I was in mourning, suffering from a break up with my baby, and I refused to be bothered with health guilt when I was already overwhelmed with parenting guilt.

So, I'm one day closer to being able to run a full 5K, which means I'm closer to being able to outrun the zombies.

Motivation and Self Sabotage

I got back from vacation and had only gained a pound.  I was hoping to lose weight that week, since we were super active, but I wasn't on my best behavior diet-wise.  A 1 pound gain is a miracle compared to my past vacations, which are usually the beginning of the end of whatever plan I'm on at the moment. This time, I kept my binging to a minimum and my activity level pretty constant, so I basically stayed the same.  I was right back on plan this week and had good intentions of starting my couch to 5K program, but then school started.  You can read about the emotional breakdown I'm having today due to the fact that my baby is starting preschool, but let me sum it up by saying that I'm sitting here with a loaf of sourdough bread on one side and a squeeze bottle of mayo in the other.  Today is bust, but after bawling last night and this morning, I am giving myself a pass.  I know emotional eating is an awful thing to do, and it's the root cause of my current weight issue, but I feel that beating myself up and stressing myself out over my diet/exercise regime is the opposite of what I need to do today.  Instead, I'm going to lay off myself for today only and get back on it tomorrow.

And how can I trust myself to stick to this plan to get my ass moving?  I signed up for not one but two 5k races.  The first is Color Me Rad, where you run in white clothes, and as you pass different stations, people throw colored powder at you.  I think it's cornstarch, or something harmless, not anthrax or cocaine, although that could help my speed...Anyway I had read about it before, so when I saw they were doing one locally around my birthday, I had to sign up.  It sounds like a lot of fun and not very stressful, so in order to give myself that extra bit of ass kicking, I signed up for the Rundead 5K in Charleston the weekend after my birthday, which happens to be the weekend before Halloween.  It's a run with obstacles.  Oh, and zombies chase you.  Basically, the runners start running, and then 5 minutes later, people dressed as zombies start running after you, and their goal is to get the 3 flags you'll be wearing.  Apparently if they get all 3, you have to finish the run, and then you can become a zombie and chase the other runners.  I think you get a prize if you keep at least one flag.  I plan to put one in between my boobs, because no one will be able to pry that sucker out.  I'm dragging the hubs to this one with me.  I figure we can make a weekend out of it and celebrate my b-day/Halloween in style without the kiddos.

Here's some extra motivation, in case zombies chasing me wasn't enough.  The hubs played photographer at my Aunt's B-day/Family Reunion event last weekend, and he got some glorious shots of me.  I think this one is my fave:

I'm the sexy lady in the black dress.  This picture will be used in the divorce hearing. 

This is my sister, my cousin, and me all looking at something interesting apparently.  Regardless, it's not a flattering shot of any of us, especially me. (Sorry, Kath.)

This one I can live with, except for the fourteen chins I'm sporting.  My cousin is in the middle, and I'm pretty sure if I lost 100 pounds, that's what I would look like.  My sister is on the other side and has lost a ton of weight herself.  I'm so proud of her and hope to join her in the regular sizes as soon as possible.

Weekly Pinadequacy

On my other blog, I've already shown some of my ideas that I've stolen from Pinterest, and since I love it so much, I figured I'll start doing weekly posts with things I've tried and the disastrous results that ensue.  This is mostly for my sister's benefit, since she's basically the only one that reads this.

The reason I'm calling it a "Pinadequacy" is because I suck at all things creative, yet I still insist on trying.  I have done one thing that I'm pretty proud of, and it wasn't even Pinterest-inspired. When we were redoing my 3-year-old's room, I was trying to decide on artwork for her walls.  I came across a picture of a toddler's room in which the parents had hired a professional photographer to take pictures of the little girl's favorite toys, and they were hung in black frames around the room.  Well, I thought it was ridiculous to pay a pro to take pictures of some ratty old stuffed animals, but I loved the idea of the artwork being so personal, so I threw a white sheet over some chairs, borrowed my middle child's flexible lamp for lighting, and got in touch with my inner Annie Leibovitz.  I also repainted her dresser, which was mint green with pastel knobs, to a bright white with what can only be described as Reese's Pieces-colored knobs.

Everything else I've done is usually sub-par.  My edible creations are famous for being tasty, yet butt ugly.  I do love to cook, though, so a lot of my attempts at creativity tend to be food- related.  This week is no exception.

On Fridays I usually like to make something fun and easy for the kids, which they will inevitably turn their noses up at and end up eating Pop Tarts instead.  I tried to stay one step ahead today by cooking Brinner (breakfast for dinner, for you non-foodies), but with a Pinterest spin.  I ended up making these, which had about 80 calories a piece before the toppings (bacon, sausage, and chocolate chips), so really not bad, if you limit yourself to a few.

This is what mine looked like:

Ugly, right?  But so damned delicious.  I need to employ Photoshop or something I guess, because my food always looks so nasty when photographed.  Anyway, the rugrats ate them pretty well, so in my mind it was a success.  Below is the recipe I used:

3 Cups Bisquick Pancake Mix

2 Cups 2% Milk

1.5 Cups Sugar Free Syrup

Toppings (Bacon, Sausage, Chocolate Chips, Fruit, etc)

Mix the pancake mix, milk, and syrup and spoon into greased muffin tins.  Top with whatever you choose.  I cooked the bacon and browned the sausage ahead of time.  Bake mix with toppings in oven at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes.  This makes 24 full-sized muffins, because I wanted to have enough left over for breakfast tomorrow.  

The next thing I tried was this.  Except, not really, because I love my International Delights Sugar Free Vanilla sooo much that I didn't bother with skim milk and vanilla extract.  I just blended my frozen coffee, the creamer, and a teaspoon of Splenda.  It's exactly what I drink every morning, because my morning coffee is literally a third creamer and two thirds coffee, so it tastes like a damned dessert anyway.  I just decided to freeze it tonight.  Oh, and I topped it with Sugar- Free Reddi Wip, which only has 5 calories for 2 Tablespoons.  My entire coffee dessert was less than 200 calories, so suck it Starbucks.  Here's a little tip in case you try it- freeze your coffee in little ice cubes.  I froze it in a plastic container, and it didn't freeze evenly.  Some was still liquid, and some was a chunk of ice that my blender just couldn't crush.  It is a shitty blender, though, but still.  I will try the cubes next time.

Advice From a Future Former Fatty

It's been 6 weeks since I began embarking on this latest weight loss journey, and I'm proud to say I've dropped about 14 pounds so far.  I say "about" because the number keeps changing, mostly due to several factors that I've had to accept about my body.  In order to keep the scale on the downward slope, I must do the following:

1. Exercise every day.  And by exercise, I mean spend at least an hour at the pool with the kids AND walk for 30 minutes each night.  When I don't, I gain weight.

2. Maintain around 1200 calories per day.  I have found that I can eat ANYTHING I want, as long as I stick within the 1200- possible 1350 range.  1350 is only if I have a good day, exercise-wise.  If not, then 1200 is where I need to stay to continue losing.

3. Drink some water.  I CAN have my precious Diet Dr. Pepper every single day, but I need to limit it to one at lunch and one at dinner and have water the rest of the day.  I can even flavor my water with that MiO stuff (which is delicious, by the way), and I don't have any of the hunger I get with my soda.  I think it's because Mio is caffeine free, and it's sweetened with sucralose instead of aspartame.  I think aspartame has an adverse effect on me when I drink too much (excessive hunger, irritability, fatigue, etc.), and it's a shame I've only recently figured this out, because I've spent years (YEARS, people!) being a tired, grumpy bitch.  I thought I had mono for, like, 20 years, and it turns out I was just dehydrated.  (Side note: I seriously never used to sweat, and now that I drink hydrating fluids, I sweat like a pig.  I always just thought I was blessed.  Turns out, I was probably one step away from kidney failure).

4. Accept that I will have setbacks.  I will definitely come off of my health plan every single month, without fail.  And, I'm pretty sure you can guess when that is.  Every other time I've tried to adopt a healthier lifestyle, I get derailed by this female issue, and it takes me months to gain back the motivation and determination to start over.  And by that time, I've usually added 10+ pounds and compounded the issue.  The difference is, this time, I'm trying to manage my indiscretions within my calorie restraints, except for one day in which I just didn't.  My Fitness Pal has truly been a godsend with this.

5. Know that the scale is not the only measure of success.  The scale is a whore.  The numbers don't change much for me.  I'm not one of those people who can drop a shitload of weight over a few months.  It takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R for me to drop a few pounds, and usually I gain and lose the same 3 pounds for weeks before they come off permanently, and then I'm on to the next 3.  This has been the hardest fact for me to accept, and this is usually the final straw for me when deciding I'd rather be a fat girl who gets to eat delicious, heart-stopping, fat-laden foods versus a miserable, skinny bitch who gets no enjoyment from food whatsoever.  Two things are different for me this time.  I have actually stuck to this thing long enough to realize that even though the scale isn't moving, the inches are, because my clothes are fitting much better.  Also, I can budget my calories to allow myself to continue to eat what I want, but I just have to eat less of it.  This guy preaches the counting calories method.  I've been reading him for a while now, all the while trying every fad diet I could in order to drop pounds more quickly, but that shit simply doesn't work for me.  He hit the nail on the head.  He is a guy, though, and he works out more than I do, so he can eat 1800-2000 cals a day and still lose.  I really have to stay at 1200.  One day I'll join a real gym, though, and hopefully be able to increase my intake.

6. Track everything. I mean it.  Every goddamn morsel.  Every jumping jack.  Everything.  I mentioned it a minute ago, but My Fitness Pal is the one change I made this time around, and it's working.  AND IT'S FREE!  I have it on my Kindle Fire, my phone, and my computer, so I am always near something that will allow me to track every single thing I'm putting in or doing to my body.  The reason I love it so much is because it's so easy.  Everything is already in their system.  You just point, click, and add.  I used to use Sparkpeople, which is also free, but I like MFP better.  It's stripped down and very user friendly.  I highly suggest Sparkpeople as well, though, because it's also free, and it has tons of great articles and motivational stories.  I just feel like that one takes more time and effort to navigate, but I do read their tips and stories. The bottom line is whether it's pen and paper, a spreadsheet, or a website, hold yourself accountable.

7. Create an achievable goal in a specific time frame, and tell people about it.  Example, I am doing this run the Saturday before my birthday.  I did a 5k last year, and I felt so accomplished when I finished.  I wasn't the fastest, for sure, but I wasn't the slowest, either.  I also hadn't been training that long before I did it, so I'm hoping the longer training period will allow me to finish with a faster time and perhaps jog a good portion of it.  I have signed up for races before and not even shown up for them, so I've actually told people about this one, so I have to be there.

That's all I have for now, but I think it's pretty solid advice.  I hope to look back on this post in 6 months and still be following my own recommendations.  Ideally I'll be several sizes and pounds down and in a much healthier state.  And, by then I should have some before and after pictures that show a sizable difference instead of  a "well if I turn the picture sideways and squint a lot, it looks like my left pinky toe is slimmer" photo.