Friday, May 18, 2012

Karma's a Bitch, and So Was She

Even though I made the decision to go back to HR, and I know it's the right decision for myself and my family, I spent yesterday in a funk.  I was supposed to be in the orientation for my nuclear med program yesterday, but instead I spent time going through all the paperwork for the program as well as the 2, count 'em 2, jobs that I attempted and failed in the medical field.  The thing is, I could have been terrific at both and would have made an amazing Nurse or Nuclear Med Tech, but I couldn't get out of my own head.  I spent the entire time in school, at clinical, in those jobs thinking what am I going to do if  when I kill someone?  I ultimately made the decision that I do not want to be responsible for more people's lives than I have to be.  I've already got 3 little nuggets to shape and form into well-adjusted, productive adults.  I need to concentrate on them and leave healthcare to the professionals.

Anwho, I think part of my foul mood yesterday was feeling like I'm having to go back, tail between my legs, to a career that I never really enjoyed.  I left my last job on the worst of terms, so much so that it completely fueled my decision to go back to school and ditch the industry permanently.  I spent 3 and a half years at my last company, and the last 2 and a half were a daily exercise in torment and abuse.  My manager was a master at skirting the line between operating within her legal rights and flat out harassment.  Spending every day on edge wondering what I would possibly do wrong to incur her disappointment, or many days, wrath, was pure torture, and I was so ecstatic the day I walked out of there for good.

So, throughout this whole decision-making process, my last job has been hanging over my head as a reminder that maybe they don't want me back.  Not my previous company, of course (they definitely don't), but HR in general.  But, I have been talking to an HR Director about a possible position that would be an amazing career opportunity.  It would be more visibility and responsibility than my last job, and I think I could do wonderful things.  I already like her so much, because she seems very smart, but more importantly, concerned for the good of the company instead of her own career.  All of the women in management at my last job were horrible, back-biting bitches.  I get a very different vibe from this organization.  Nothing is set in stone, and likely won't be until mid-summer, if it works out, but I already feel more valued and appreciated.

The icing on the cake came today when my neighbor, who I didn't realize works for my old company, happened to mention that they posted my old position.  The person who replaced me has been there for less than 2 years is already leaving.  It's not just me.  It's everyone who has to work in that area.  While I was there, there was close to 100% turnover on my team at least twice.  But for some reason, the fact that the girl who replaced me has come and gone means that much more.  I don't know why it matters, but it does.  I feel like a weight has been lifted, and this is a sign that I will be ok.  It really wasn't me.

Back From the Dead

So, over the last month, I've endured tests, final exams, a raging sinus infection that turned into a wicked case of vertigo, field trips with the kids, and dropping out of school.  Well, not dropping out as much as deciding to forego this whole medical career thing in favor of going back to my old career, which I don't suck at, and bringing in some much needed income to the house.  I thought and thought and thought some more and decided to be ok with the fact that I'm really good at Human Resources and way to skittish to work in the medical field in that I lack the attention to detail, emergency response skills, and ability to quiet my emotions that are required to be a medical professional.  I thought I wanted a career that really made a difference and helped people.  I decided I can do that from an HR perspective just as well but without all the blood on my hands if something goes wrong.  So, decision made.  Now all I need is the job.

Until then, this is the kind of shit I'm doing in between hanging with my 3yo and shuttling the older kids back and forth:

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

I thought this was the funniest.  My closest match was this chick, who I had to Google.  She's Asian, and I'm  of a very pasty European descent, so I don't even know how that happened:

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

And it probably goes without saying, but I am not doing the crackhead diet anymore, and I'm still a big chunky.  I'm tired of thinking about it, so I am eating healthier for the most part and not obsessing.  I haven't put on a bathing suit, yet, though, so things may change.