Thursday, August 30, 2012


I have a headache.  I know that's not big news or anything, but it started when we were on vacation 2 weeks ago and has rarely given me any relief since.  Some days (today) are worse than others.  I'm pretty sure it's a big, bad tension headache, because I'm getting the kids adjusted to school, starting Fall classes myself, and desperately trying to find a job so we don't all starve in December when the Financial Aid runs out.  Unfortunately, my stress usually manifests itself physically either with explosive diarrhea or tension headaches.  This time my body chose headaches that cannot be cured with drugs.  I've tried everything- Excedrin Tension, Aleve, Ibuprofen, and for good measure, Allegra, in case it's allergy related.  Nothing is working.  So, I showed my body.  I just took a cocktail comprised of all of the above.  I'm really just writing this in the event that I die while drowning in my own toilet vomit, so my sister can notify the authorities and my hubs of what occurred.

Also, I should confess that due to the headache/exhaustion, I skipped my C25K workout today.  I can still pick it up tomorrow and stay on schedule, but I feel extremely guilty about it.  That counts for something, right?

It's uncanny how much this resembles me currently.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

C25K Week 1 Day 3 and a Pinadequacy

I did it, bitches!  I made it through week one.  And not even half-assedly.  I mean I jogged ever time that bitch told me to and didn't stop until she seductively whispered "walk" into my ear.  I'm extra proud today, because not even halfway through, I got a cramp, and oh God, did it hurt.  The thing I noticed, though, is that I had more relief when I was jogging than when I was walking.  I tried the deep breathing lamaze shit, and that was a bust.  Basically I just had to slow down, and it eventually went away.  Every other time I've gotten a cramp, I've just flat out quit jogging and dragged my sorry ass home.  Not today, though.  I really think this program speaks to my inner submissive, because I truly just do whatever she tells me, no questions asked.  Even when one part of my brain says "I'm a grown ass woman, and I do what I want," as soon as she says "jog", it's knees to chest like a reflex.  Ok, maybe not knees to chest, but it's a jog of some sort.

I also was punishing myself a bit today, because I had next to no water yesterday, and then I had Hibachi vegetables (not so bad) with fried rice (bad), and about a gallon of shrimp sauce/aka yum yum sauce/this shit.  And to top it off, I finished the day with one of these.  Yes, I ate the whole thing.  It was over 600 calories, and it was delicious.  I'm back on it today, having a boiled egg and cherries for breakfast and steadily sipping water to replenish the waterfalls that dripped from my face and into my eyeballs. This brings me to my Pinadequacy.  Yesterday I did the bake eggs in the oven instead of boiling them thing, and it was fantabulous.  Basically you put the eggs in a muffin tin and bake them at 325 for 25-30 minutes.  I did mine for 30 minutes, because I don't care if the yolk is yellow or gray.  It tastes the same to me.  I can report that they are easier to peel, which is a good thing, because I can't tell you how many times I've lost half my egg due to it being stuck to the shell.

I have no idea who took this pic, because the blog is gone now, but it isn't mine, so suck it Copyright laws.

I also saw this on Pinterest this morning. 
Yeah, but it sure does burn the shit out of your eyeballs, impeding your vision, and possibly causing you to stumble in front of oncoming traffic.  I'm just sayin'.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

C25K Day 2

I went a different way around my 'hood today, so I was able to avoid running most hills this time.  I still had to run what I affectionately call "cardiac hill", but that damn thing just has bad placement, and it's a long one, so I can't avoid having to jog some portion of it.  There was a point in which I didn't think I could jog anymore, but I pushed through since I was going downhill, and that happened to be the last jog cycle, so I was home free after that.  I'm proud to say that I cut a full minute per mile off my time today, so I was wogging a 15:36 mile today.

Playlist song that got me going:

Song that prevented me from quitting:

Friday, August 24, 2012

Couch to 5K Day 1 and Some Apps You Need

I was in a much better mind frame today, so I started the Couch to 5K program today.  I'm proud to say that I survived, and the only 2 times I stopped during the jogging portions were when my mom called and when she texted me.  I have this app on my phone (GET IT).  It's amazing, because it automatically takes the songs from your phone and plays them while you're doing the program, or you can create your own playlist just for working out. It tells you when to walk and when to jog and tells you when you're halfway through.  There's also a built in GPS, so you know how far you've gone, and it tells you your average pace (16:33 today, which is good for me).

As much as I'm raving about the app, I do feel that I must warn you that she's a sadistic twat.  And by that, I mean that as soon as you're about to go uphill, you can bet that bitch is about to say "jog".  Maybe I just have unfortunate locations for hills in my neighborhood, but I do find it odd that there's a GPS built into this thing, and it happened Every. Single. Fucking. Time.  I got this really weird stomach pain at the end, so I thought I was going to have to sue for a moment after I recovered from my heart attack, but then it went away during my cool down.

The other app I have that's uhhhhmazing is Double Twist. You see, I have a shitty Droid.  I hate my phone, but I can't get a new one until January next year, so I'm stuck with it.  I won't go into all of the issues it has, but I will be getting an Iphone next.  In the meantime, I have an Ipod shuffle, which you can't put apps on (duh).  I downloaded the C25K app to my phone, and I wanted my super fantastic workout playlist to go with it, but you can't get Itunes on the Droid.  The awesome people at Double Twist have fixed this situation so that you can create an online account and download the app to your phone, so they can sync with one another.  Voila, your Itunes music is now on your shitty non-Iphone.

Oh, and since I'm mentioning apps, I'm going to plug My Fitness Pal again, because that's the one that really keeps me on track. Full disclosure- I didn't use it at all yesterday.  I was in mourning, suffering from a break up with my baby, and I refused to be bothered with health guilt when I was already overwhelmed with parenting guilt.

So, I'm one day closer to being able to run a full 5K, which means I'm closer to being able to outrun the zombies.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Motivation and Self Sabotage

I got back from vacation and had only gained a pound.  I was hoping to lose weight that week, since we were super active, but I wasn't on my best behavior diet-wise.  A 1 pound gain is a miracle compared to my past vacations, which are usually the beginning of the end of whatever plan I'm on at the moment. This time, I kept my binging to a minimum and my activity level pretty constant, so I basically stayed the same.  I was right back on plan this week and had good intentions of starting my couch to 5K program, but then school started.  You can read about the emotional breakdown I'm having today due to the fact that my baby is starting preschool, but let me sum it up by saying that I'm sitting here with a loaf of sourdough bread on one side and a squeeze bottle of mayo in the other.  Today is bust, but after bawling last night and this morning, I am giving myself a pass.  I know emotional eating is an awful thing to do, and it's the root cause of my current weight issue, but I feel that beating myself up and stressing myself out over my diet/exercise regime is the opposite of what I need to do today.  Instead, I'm going to lay off myself for today only and get back on it tomorrow.

And how can I trust myself to stick to this plan to get my ass moving?  I signed up for not one but two 5k races.  The first is Color Me Rad, where you run in white clothes, and as you pass different stations, people throw colored powder at you.  I think it's cornstarch, or something harmless, not anthrax or cocaine, although that could help my speed...Anyway I had read about it before, so when I saw they were doing one locally around my birthday, I had to sign up.  It sounds like a lot of fun and not very stressful, so in order to give myself that extra bit of ass kicking, I signed up for the Rundead 5K in Charleston the weekend after my birthday, which happens to be the weekend before Halloween.  It's a run with obstacles.  Oh, and zombies chase you.  Basically, the runners start running, and then 5 minutes later, people dressed as zombies start running after you, and their goal is to get the 3 flags you'll be wearing.  Apparently if they get all 3, you have to finish the run, and then you can become a zombie and chase the other runners.  I think you get a prize if you keep at least one flag.  I plan to put one in between my boobs, because no one will be able to pry that sucker out.  I'm dragging the hubs to this one with me.  I figure we can make a weekend out of it and celebrate my b-day/Halloween in style without the kiddos.

Here's some extra motivation, in case zombies chasing me wasn't enough.  The hubs played photographer at my Aunt's B-day/Family Reunion event last weekend, and he got some glorious shots of me.  I think this one is my fave:
I'm the sexy lady in the black dress.  This picture will be used in the divorce hearing. 

This is my sister, my cousin, and me all looking at something interesting apparently.  Regardless, it's not a flattering shot of any of us, especially me. (Sorry, Kath.)

This one I can live with, except for the fourteen chins I'm sporting.  My cousin is in the middle, and I'm pretty sure if I lost 100 pounds, that's what I would look like.  My sister is on the other side and has lost a ton of weight herself.  I'm so proud of her and hope to join her in the regular sizes as soon as possible.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Weekly Pinadequacy

On my other blog, I've already shown some of my ideas that I've stolen from Pinterest, and since I love it so much, I figured I'll start doing weekly posts with things I've tried and the disastrous results that ensue.  This is mostly for my sister's benefit, since she's basically the only one that reads this.

The reason I'm calling it a "Pinadequacy" is because I suck at all things creative, yet I still insist on trying.  I have done one thing that I'm pretty proud of, and it wasn't even Pinterest-inspired. When we were redoing my 3-year-old's room, I was trying to decide on artwork for her walls.  I came across a picture of a toddler's room in which the parents had hired a professional photographer to take pictures of the little girl's favorite toys, and they were hung in black frames around the room.  Well, I thought it was ridiculous to pay a pro to take pictures of some ratty old stuffed animals, but I loved the idea of the artwork being so personal, so I threw a white sheet over some chairs, borrowed my middle child's flexible lamp for lighting, and got in touch with my inner Annie Leibovitz.  I also repainted her dresser, which was mint green with pastel knobs, to a bright white with what can only be described as Reese's Pieces-colored knobs.

Everything else I've done is usually sub-par.  My edible creations are famous for being tasty, yet butt ugly.  I do love to cook, though, so a lot of my attempts at creativity tend to be food- related.  This week is no exception.

On Fridays I usually like to make something fun and easy for the kids, which they will inevitably turn their noses up at and end up eating Pop Tarts instead.  I tried to stay one step ahead today by cooking Brinner (breakfast for dinner, for you non-foodies), but with a Pinterest spin.  I ended up making these, which had about 80 calories a piece before the toppings (bacon, sausage, and chocolate chips), so really not bad, if you limit yourself to a few.

This is what mine looked like:
Ugly, right?  But so damned delicious.  I need to employ Photoshop or something I guess, because my food always looks so nasty when photographed.  Anyway, the rugrats ate them pretty well, so in my mind it was a success.  Below is the recipe I used:

3 Cups Bisquick Pancake Mix
2 Cups 2% Milk
1.5 Cups Sugar Free Syrup
Toppings (Bacon, Sausage, Chocolate Chips, Fruit, etc)

Mix the pancake mix, milk, and syrup and spoon into greased muffin tins.  Top with whatever you choose.  I cooked the bacon and browned the sausage ahead of time.  Bake mix with toppings in oven at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes.  This makes 24 full-sized muffins, because I wanted to have enough left over for breakfast tomorrow.  

The next thing I tried was this.  Except, not really, because I love my International Delights Sugar Free Vanilla sooo much that I didn't bother with skim milk and vanilla extract.  I just blended my frozen coffee, the creamer, and a teaspoon of Splenda.  It's exactly what I drink every morning, because my morning coffee is literally a third creamer and two thirds coffee, so it tastes like a damned dessert anyway.  I just decided to freeze it tonight.  Oh, and I topped it with Sugar- Free Reddi Wip, which only has 5 calories for 2 Tablespoons.  My entire coffee dessert was less than 200 calories, so suck it Starbucks.  Here's a little tip in case you try it- freeze your coffee in little ice cubes.  I froze it in a plastic container, and it didn't freeze evenly.  Some was still liquid, and some was a chunk of ice that my blender just couldn't crush.  It is a shitty blender, though, but still.  I will try the cubes next time.