Better Day

I was in a raunchy mood yesterday, I guess, because I feel much better today.  I went out for a wog, and I did the best I have all week.  I still wasn't able to jog the full 1.5 minute intervals, but I at least attempted each one and finished most of them.  My overall time was faster, and my distance was a bit farther.

I looked ahead, and week 3 is a routine of jog 1.5 minutes, walk 1.5 minutes, jog 3 minutes, and walk 3 minutes.  You do that twice along with a 5 minute warm up and cool down.  I'm not sure about those 3 minute jogs, but I think I'll try wogging around a track (flat) as opposed to my hilly 'hood.

Part of the reason for my improved mood is that I've hit a milestone of sorts with my weight loss.  I'm finally out of the 220's and back in the 2 teens.  I was stuck at the same weight for about 3 weeks, so I decided to cut carbs at night.  I'm staunchly opposed to depriving myself of any food group, because I've tried failed at deprivation diets far too many times, but my body always responds positively to limiting carbs.  I started doing it a few days ago, and the weight immediately dropped.  I've been steady for a few days, so I feel like it's not water fluctuation at this point, and I can tout my achievement.

I've been eating stuff like this for dinner:

See how super cheesy it is???  Delicious.  It's thin-sliced zucchini topped with marinara, shredded mozzarella, and pepperoni.  I got this idea on Pinterest natch, but they used low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni.  Maybe next time...

Oh, and I've learned that the best songs to listen to while working out are the most ridiculous ones you can find.  Think super cheesy ("Call Me Maybe") or this little gem that I had forgotten about and recently rediscovered:

This is the song with the lyrics, which I highly suggest you read if you need a good laugh. R Kelly is a real Poet Laureate fo' sho yo!

Even better- Young the Giant remixxed the remix.  Enjoy.

Advice From a Future Former Fatty

It's been 6 weeks since I began embarking on this latest weight loss journey, and I'm proud to say I've dropped about 14 pounds so far.  I say "about" because the number keeps changing, mostly due to several factors that I've had to accept about my body.  In order to keep the scale on the downward slope, I must do the following:

1. Exercise every day.  And by exercise, I mean spend at least an hour at the pool with the kids AND walk for 30 minutes each night.  When I don't, I gain weight.

2. Maintain around 1200 calories per day.  I have found that I can eat ANYTHING I want, as long as I stick within the 1200- possible 1350 range.  1350 is only if I have a good day, exercise-wise.  If not, then 1200 is where I need to stay to continue losing.

3. Drink some water.  I CAN have my precious Diet Dr. Pepper every single day, but I need to limit it to one at lunch and one at dinner and have water the rest of the day.  I can even flavor my water with that MiO stuff (which is delicious, by the way), and I don't have any of the hunger I get with my soda.  I think it's because Mio is caffeine free, and it's sweetened with sucralose instead of aspartame.  I think aspartame has an adverse effect on me when I drink too much (excessive hunger, irritability, fatigue, etc.), and it's a shame I've only recently figured this out, because I've spent years (YEARS, people!) being a tired, grumpy bitch.  I thought I had mono for, like, 20 years, and it turns out I was just dehydrated.  (Side note: I seriously never used to sweat, and now that I drink hydrating fluids, I sweat like a pig.  I always just thought I was blessed.  Turns out, I was probably one step away from kidney failure).

4. Accept that I will have setbacks.  I will definitely come off of my health plan every single month, without fail.  And, I'm pretty sure you can guess when that is.  Every other time I've tried to adopt a healthier lifestyle, I get derailed by this female issue, and it takes me months to gain back the motivation and determination to start over.  And by that time, I've usually added 10+ pounds and compounded the issue.  The difference is, this time, I'm trying to manage my indiscretions within my calorie restraints, except for one day in which I just didn't.  My Fitness Pal has truly been a godsend with this.

5. Know that the scale is not the only measure of success.  The scale is a whore.  The numbers don't change much for me.  I'm not one of those people who can drop a shitload of weight over a few months.  It takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R for me to drop a few pounds, and usually I gain and lose the same 3 pounds for weeks before they come off permanently, and then I'm on to the next 3.  This has been the hardest fact for me to accept, and this is usually the final straw for me when deciding I'd rather be a fat girl who gets to eat delicious, heart-stopping, fat-laden foods versus a miserable, skinny bitch who gets no enjoyment from food whatsoever.  Two things are different for me this time.  I have actually stuck to this thing long enough to realize that even though the scale isn't moving, the inches are, because my clothes are fitting much better.  Also, I can budget my calories to allow myself to continue to eat what I want, but I just have to eat less of it.  This guy preaches the counting calories method.  I've been reading him for a while now, all the while trying every fad diet I could in order to drop pounds more quickly, but that shit simply doesn't work for me.  He hit the nail on the head.  He is a guy, though, and he works out more than I do, so he can eat 1800-2000 cals a day and still lose.  I really have to stay at 1200.  One day I'll join a real gym, though, and hopefully be able to increase my intake.

6. Track everything. I mean it.  Every goddamn morsel.  Every jumping jack.  Everything.  I mentioned it a minute ago, but My Fitness Pal is the one change I made this time around, and it's working.  AND IT'S FREE!  I have it on my Kindle Fire, my phone, and my computer, so I am always near something that will allow me to track every single thing I'm putting in or doing to my body.  The reason I love it so much is because it's so easy.  Everything is already in their system.  You just point, click, and add.  I used to use Sparkpeople, which is also free, but I like MFP better.  It's stripped down and very user friendly.  I highly suggest Sparkpeople as well, though, because it's also free, and it has tons of great articles and motivational stories.  I just feel like that one takes more time and effort to navigate, but I do read their tips and stories. The bottom line is whether it's pen and paper, a spreadsheet, or a website, hold yourself accountable.

7. Create an achievable goal in a specific time frame, and tell people about it.  Example, I am doing this run the Saturday before my birthday.  I did a 5k last year, and I felt so accomplished when I finished.  I wasn't the fastest, for sure, but I wasn't the slowest, either.  I also hadn't been training that long before I did it, so I'm hoping the longer training period will allow me to finish with a faster time and perhaps jog a good portion of it.  I have signed up for races before and not even shown up for them, so I've actually told people about this one, so I have to be there.

That's all I have for now, but I think it's pretty solid advice.  I hope to look back on this post in 6 months and still be following my own recommendations.  Ideally I'll be several sizes and pounds down and in a much healthier state.  And, by then I should have some before and after pictures that show a sizable difference instead of  a "well if I turn the picture sideways and squint a lot, it looks like my left pinky toe is slimmer" photo.

28 Days Later...

Not the movie, although I do feel like a zombie today.  I'm talking about my progress after being on the "medically supervised" plan for the past 4 weeks.  The good news: I've lost about 10 or 11 pounds.  The bad news: this place was a total rip off.  Anything I've done is due to my own determination and perseverance.  In fact, I stopped going to them a week ago, not even finishing the 4 week plan I paid for.  Following is a breakdown of what was promised and what I actually received:

The deal was for a 4-week medically supervised weight loss plan for 89$.  I was supposed to have bloodwork, and EKG, supplements, weekly B-12 shots and appointments with a physician every week to monitor my progress.  What I got was some old lady named "Skeet" (I am not making this shit up.  For shits and giggles, this is the Urban Dictionary definition of the word) who decided that based on my answers to the medical profile, I did not need the blood work or EKG to be done.  I surmised over our visits together that the real reason we skipped the formalities was that she was not a qualified medical professional and was squeamish, in fact, when it came to medical procedures.  This would later explain why I never received a B-12 shot.  Instead, I was given a weekly B-12 pill, which was delicious incidentally, and I found the identical supplement here.  I ordered them and have been taking them daily, as suggested on the bottle.  I'm pretty sure the reason for the shots is that they are more potent and last longer, but Skeet assured me that I should only take 1 of their B-12 pills a week, which I imagine was more out of concern for their overhead than my possible B-12 overdose.  I received a weekly package of vitamins to take, which I compared to my daily multivitamin, and they were practically identical.

At each visit, which lasted about 5 minutes a piece, I was given my packet of vitamins, weighed, and highly encouraged to purchase their nutritional supplements, which were not included in the 89$ I shelled out.  Keep in mind the 89$ was a Living Social deal.  The actual monthly cost for this place is $199.  So, like a moron, I paid extra for the protein drinks and puddings, which were actually pretty tasty.  I also happened to later find very similar ones on their competitor's website for about half the price.

So to summarize, I paid 89$ (regular price 199$) for a weekly B-12 pill that should have been taken daily, 4 weeks of a daily multivitamin, and weigh-ins with a lady named after a vulgar term for the rhythm method.  I never once saw a doctor, despite the fact that the term "Physician" is in the name of the organization, and according to their corporate website, a doctor is supposed to be staffed at each location.  I also paid for Lady Pull Out to harass me at every visit to purchase their fish oil because mine was sub-par, and get more supplements, and sign up for their 4 month plan, which was only $325 as long as I did it by a certain date.  I had to start telling that bitch that I'd left my debit card at home.  She even had the audacity to call me on the last day of the 325$ "special" to try to get me to come in.  I haven't been back since, and that's the last I heard from them.

In short, it's a big ol' scam.  I thought I would be receiving counseling from a real physician as well as having accountability with the weigh-ins, but their aggressive sales techniques and false promises just furthered my realization that I'm responsible for my own decisions.  I'm the only person I have to answer to, so I've continued to eat well and exercise, except for the past 2 days in which I've felt like donkey shit.  I'm back on track today, though, eating healthy and intend to go swimming with the kids later.  Oh, and I've been using this to track everything I've been doing.  It's the easiest tracker I've come across, and it's totally free, so I highly recommend it.

Here We Go Again

Because I'm a sucker for those online deal sites, and because I'm once again motivated to lose the extra person I'm carrying around, I purchased a Living Social deal for a local weight loss center.  Basically it entails me going to this place twice a week- once for a weigh-in and once for a B-12 shot.  The deal was for a month, so we'll see how it goes.  They gave me a diet plan, which consists of one of their protein supplements and an egg in the morning, a salad and a supplement for lunch, and a protein, salad, and veggie for dinner.  I'm not eating meat now, because the HCG put me off of it, so I'm trying to find suitable veggie dinners.  I'm not supposed to have dairy, I guess, because there is no mention of cheese anywhere, but I am using cheese as a protein substitute in my dinners.

This is day 4, and I've been really good, so I feel like at this point I may stick to it, so it's safe to post about.  I don't exactly have the best track record with weight loss success, so I'm hoping the whole monitoring aspect will be the key to making me stick to it.  I have an innate desire to please strangers for whatever reason, so this appeals to that part of my psyche.

In preparation for beginning this plan, I indulged on this as a last meal:

And it was fucking delicious. Especially considering this is what I'm eating now: 

 These boxes contain packets of powder that, when mixed with water, become the main entree for breakfast and lunch.  I supplement with lunch with these:

Your mouth is watering, right?  In all honesty, the protein powdery things aren't so bad.  I have an orange one that tastes like Tang (hee hee "tang") in the morning, and I have a caramel pudding one for "dessert" for lunch.  They have a bunch to choose from, so I'm going to try some different ones when I go back tomorrow.

I am also drinking enough water to float the Titanic, and I am limited to 2 diet sodas per day, which I was thrilled to learn I am still allowed to have.  The beauty of this plan is that it takes the guess work out of what I will have to eat for most of the day.  I only have to plan my dinners.  Apparently I work better in a controlled environment, because I have really had no problems sticking to this thing at all.  Hopefully my efforts will be rewarded at my next weigh-in.

Sayonara Saboteur

Throughout all of my many many MANY weight loss attempts, one factor contributing to my failure remains constant- my scale.  I get obsessed with it.  Every stall, or worse, gain (gasp!), creates a feeling of failure, and as an emotional eater, guess where I turn.  I stepped on the scale for the last time yesterday morning.  I'm still at a 9 pound weight loss, which is frustrating, because although I haven't been sticking to the ridiculous 500 calorie daily limit, I am eating an average of about 1000-1200 calories per day, which should still be restrictive enough for me to continue losing.  Whether I'm losing inches instead or just at a stall, that number is a daily reminder of how far I am away from being the healthy person I want to be.  Instead of focusing on the number, from now on, I'm going to focus on my fitness and energy levels.  I have been feeling much better since I've started eating cleaner, cutting carbs, and increased my calorie intake from the first week on the diet.  Oh, and I did walk with the entire family yesterday afternoon and discovered that my near death experience on Tuesday must have resulted from the heat, because I did much better with the cooler temp and overcast sky.  Anywho, I will weigh myself again at some point, but I will probably wait until I can feel a definite difference in my clothes, so whatever number pops up won't make or break my fitness plans.

The Quest to be Thin

Holy God.  Did you see this news story today?  It was on a couple of the morning shows and Yahoo! is running it, too.  Apparently stupid bitches (much like myself) are so determined to lose some extra poundage before their wedding day that they're subjecting themselves to tube feeding.  What. The. Fuck.  I thought my ass was crazy.  But, you know what's really insane?  These chicks are still ingesting more than the 500 calories I'm supposed to be eating on my plan.  They get a big, bad 800 calorie feeding per day, but they look like freak shows with tubes hanging off their faces in the meantime.  One issue I have with this is that my limited time in nursing school taught me that NG tubes pose infection risks with the whole foreign object being inserted into the body thing.  That's why they're placed in hospitals and removed before the patient goes home.  I mean, I'm sure there are folks who are sickly that have these gadgets at home, but they're not up and walking around Wal Mart or whatever freaking everyone out and picking up God knows what disease.

My other issue is why can't these bitches crash diet like the rest of us?  It's insane, and I mean all of it- crash diets, fad diets, surgical procedures, etc.  What have we come to that we'd rather starve ourselves and butcher our bodies rather than put down the ice cream carton and bag of potato chips and get our asses off the couch and walk for 30 minutes a day?  It's the immediate gratification that we crave.  That's the problem.  No one, myself included, wants to put in the time and effort it takes to do it the right way.

Well, starting tomorrow, I'm no longer in the crazy group.  I am going to start running.  And by that, I mean wogging (walk/jogging).  I plan to build up slowly to the point where I can run a full half marathon.  I have my eye on this one.  Ideally, I'd like to plan a vacation for the whole family centered around my run, but I don't know what my job/school situation will be then.  Regardless, I'm determined to at least be physically able to do it by then.  It's almost a year away, so I'm going against my natural instincts and not setting a goal that's too aggressive.  I'm going to modify my current diet to allow for more calories and possible whole grains, if I determine that my body needs them for energy to exercise.  I will continue with the hcg, though, because as I said before, that shit is expensive.

Week 2 Check In and Some Truth

So far, I've lost 9 pounds, which is great, but I'm really having a hard time getting past how moronic this whole plan is.  I'm torn between doing what I know I should do and sticking to this retarded plan because I dropped so much cash on it, and I hate to waste money.  One thing I'm not doing is eating 500 cals per day.  I'm probably between 750 and 1000, which is still not as much as you're supposed to eat, but it's better than 500 measly calories a day. I really want to start running, so if I do that, I have to eat more.

If anyone is reading this and thinking of trying hcg, I would advise against it.  It's not that I'm starving all the time (I'm really not) or that I feel deprived.  It's more because it's expensive to get the real stuff (the homeopathic stuff is shit), you're not encouraged to exercise, and you're training your body to depend on such a low calorie amount, that when you increase your intake, the weight you lost is bound to come screaming back.  I know that there are people that do this and keep the weight off, but they do ridiculous shit to keep their weight in check.  Things like "steak days" which consist of not eating anything all day and then having a steak for dinner with a tomato.  Or egg days, where you eat a dozen eggs throughout the day, prepared however you like.  And these people swear by this method and are very defensive when people point out how stupid it is.

The allure of the hcg diet is the quick weight loss, which is what sucked me in.  I was hoping to use it as a jump start to get me going on my journey.  I have, in essence, given myself an eating disorder.  I weigh myself constantly to keep myself in check to make sure I'm losing weight.  I feel good when I deprive myself from one of the only 2 fruit servings I get per day, because I feel like it will help me lose weight faster.  I'm too exhausted to be productive around the house, but I'm terrified to eat any more than I am, because I don't want the pounds I've lost to come creeping back.

I'm a third of the way through this ridiculous ordeal, and as much as I want to get my money's worth, I'm tempted to say fuck it, up my calories, and starting walking, because when I lose the extra person I'm carrying, I want to be able to say I did it the healthy way, not the psycho starvation fad diet way.  And when I lose this, I want it gone for good.  I don't want to spend every day of the rest of my life obsessed with the scale.  That, to me, seems more miserable than being fat, so what's the point?

Week 1 Done

Today marks a week since I started the very low calorie diet.  I've lost about 7 pounds.  I say "about" because I'm not sure exactly where I started since I didn't have a digital scale until the next day.  Anyway, 7 seems pretty good to me.  I know a lot of people drop this on the first week of any diet plan they start, and it's mostly water, but I usually don't lose this much even in the first week of healthy eating on any plan. Also, my fatty fatty jeans that were too tight and providing me with a oh so sexy muffin top now slide on with no problems, so I've lost inches as well.

It took about 3 days of eating low cal not to be hungry, but I am still quite weak and exhausted.  I always thought carbs made me tired because whenever I eat a super carby meal, I'm usually ready for a big ol' nap afterward, but this is an entirely new kind of tired.  This is more like I'm a new mom again and barely functioning exhaustion.  I can feel that my blood sugar is permanently low, and that's probably because I have hypoglycemic tendencies (all the more reason I shouldn't be messing around with this).  I have been drinking my water and taking supplements consisting of Calcium Pyruvate, a daily multi-vitamin, and some adrenal health supplement of which I cannot find the ingredients.  I definitely think there's caffeine or something in the adrenal one, because I notice a definite difference between when I take it and when I don't.  In fact, if I were telling someone about this, I would recommend the supplements over the hcg, because I'm not all that convinced the hcg does anything.  The one thing it has done for me is remind me that paid a shit ton for it, and by God, that money will not go to waste, so I take that sad little pellet every morning, and I'm sticking to this goddamn plan for the 40 days.

Truthfully once it's over, I'm probably switching to the healthy diet and exercise thing because everyone I admire that has traveled this journey before me did it the old fashioned way.  Don't be fooled, though.  This is no magic pill.  It's really fucking hard to eat 2 meals a day consisting of microscopic proportions and eating the same crap over and over.  I'm not a meat fan, and I despise fish, so that's the toughest part for me.  I'd rather be on a vegetarian or vegan plan honestly, and I'll probably pursue that once this is finished. I also want to start running.  Stop laughing, asshole.  I can totally be a runner.  I just have to build up to it.  This chick is my role model, so one day I hope to get to where she is and become a role model for other chubsters, but more importantly my kids.

I Am Super Weak, Super Weak, Super Weaky, Owwww!

It's day 3 of of the low cal part, and my knees, they are a shakin'.  It feels like I ran a marathon earlier, but all I've done today is go grocery shopping, have lunch with the fam, and chill outside with my neighbor while the kiddies played.  I made a comment about being exhausted, and my 10yo turned to me and deadpanned, "from just sitting there?"  Yes, from just sitting here, smart ass. I have no carbs fueling my body, and my low carlorie count is not helping.  I'm also having hot flashes like a 50yo menopausal lady, so I'm hoping this is my metabolism kicking into high gear.

I should note that while the hunger was almost unbearable yesterday, it's been better today.  I cracked yesterday afternoon and had a greek yogurt, because it was either that or a murder-suicide involving myself and my family, so I think I made the right call.  I have also had 1 soda per day, but I have drunk a ridiculous amount of water each day to counteract it, and again, 20 oz of soda down from 2L is a vast improvement.  Other than that, I'm sticking to the plan.  Oh, and I was down 3.2 pounds as of this morning.

While starving yesterday, I was reminded of a scene from The Office, back when it was still watchable.  This is exactly how I feel.

2 Down, Lots to Go

I've lost 2 pounds since yesterday, so that was a nice thing to wake up to.  And that includes sugar free creamer in my coffee and a diet soda last night.  It was my only soda for the day, and I had been drinking literally 2 liters of soda a day up until a couple of days ago, so I thought I did pretty well.  My dinner was chicken breast on a bed of mixed greens topped with balsamic vinegar and an orange.  You're supposed to have apple cider vinegar only, but I figured it can't be that different, right?  I don't know if it's a placebo effect of the pellets or the fact that a lot of my hunger usually stemmed from my diet soda intake, but I really am not that hungry so far.  And when I am, I just drink water, and that stamps it out.  Oh, but last night I did have a lot of stomach pain, which I assumed meant my body is now resorting to cannibalistic behavior and devouring itself from the inside.